One Random Act

After a particularly difficult day with Mom at the care facility where she is staying, I came home exhausted.  It started me thinking:  All I have to do is visit as much as possible, and try to iron out the problems as they come up  How do these people do it when they are caring for a loved one in their home, day after day, night after night?  With no end in sight?

Some at-home caregivers have respite services--the vast majority do not.  Most are doing it on their own time, with their own money. (Or their own credit card.) 

Possibly the world's most difficult job.  Certainly one of the most thankless.

Then, I got an idea.

I felt an almost desperate need to give some of these folks a pat on the back; a shout out for a job well done; some kind of acknowledgement that, yes, someone sees what you do, and sees how incredibly difficult it is.  So, I got on the site for my Alzheimer's support group. (This is 2013, right? If I have an issue, of course I  have an online support group.) And I posted the following:

Can I just take a minute to say that those of you who care for a loved one at home are NOTHING SHORT OF AMAZING? My Mom is at a lovely Alzheimer's care facility where they love her and give her their best. I see her about every other day, and I can barely deal with the changes each day brings. This has been such a hard week, and I cannot imagine what it would be like to deal with having her here at home day to day. I know we all have different reasons for doing what we do, and they are all valid. But, I just need to publicly acknowledge those of you who do the day to day care at home. People have no idea of the things you face, and the strength you have to summon to do this. God bless you! If today is a thankless day for you, please know that at least ONE person notices and thinks you may be doing the hardest job in the world! oxoxox

Within hours I got a total of 46 Likes.  That was nice. 

But I wasn't prepared for what came next.  Comment after comment like these:

• Thank you  for your encouragement. I care for my Mom (93) here at home. There are challenges from day to day but I am grateful to God for the blessings of taking care of her. 
• Thank you so much! This means a lot to me.
•  Thank you so much for this post - makes me feel much better about being a Caregiver.
•  Thank you for this post. I am a full time caregiver for my husband of 52 years. He has Parkinson's Disease and really bad dementia. he is 85 years old...Only by the Grace of God can I keep doing this and thinking positive by telling myself it is only temporary.
• Thank you ! Too often others assume everyone is doing ok when our loved one is home. Seldom does anyone ask how my daughter is doing much less how I'm dealing with the Alzheimers.
•  Awww  - thank you for such sweet words - we had mom here at home and while she was still "mobile" it proved to be tough but sadly she lost the ability to walk and spent her remaining time here at home where she passed peacefully in her sleep.
•  Such a kind post. My Sister,  is one of those NOTHING SHORT OF AMAZING people! Taking care of our Mom in her home right now. Thank you for the reminder that "caring" for someone, either in home or at a facility, is at times a thankless job.
• Thank you..even tho we have never met, the fact that you can acknowledge my (and the rest of us too) daily struggle to get thru things that others take for granted and appreciate it just made my day!!! 
• Thank you! i needed this as i had a rough day as a full time care giver for my mother in law today. people say you go day by day but with az we often go hour by hour. 
• Thank you...that is about all the strength I have to respond today. 

This was ONE post, about ONE issue.  How many people are out there, crushed under some sort of daily circumstance, waiting for anyone---even a total stranger-- to share a kind word?  Someone to say:  Yes! What you do everyday, matters! YOU matter!

The Husband has this saying that "everyone needs to feel loved and significant." To this I would add:  Noticed. Everyone needs to feel noticed.

This was the response I got from one comment that I made as a stranger.  What would it be like if I opened my eyes a little wider and took in the people I know personally?  What if I looked--really looked at--what they go through everyday? What if I could tell them as a friend, and not as a stranger:

WHAT YOU DO, MATTERS.  YOU MATTER.

What if you could do the same?