I'm thinking about both my children moving out. And back in.
And out.
And back in.
Believe it or not, (I'm not sure my mother-in-law totally believes me here,) I don't necessarily have a problem with this. By the grace of God, right now, we have extra food, extra rooms and extra years for them to be on our insurance policies. Both kids have had some medical issues requiring them to come home for the present time. Unlike some parents I've spoken with, I actually LIKE it when they are here. (Go Figure!) What I do have problems with, though, is how I'm supposed to act while they are navigating the revolving doors of Life.
Especially around mealtimes.
I could be the Casual Parent. CP grocery shops, adding just a bit of extra food to the budget because the kids are often out at mealtimes. CP throws together quick, well-balanced meals, eats them with her husband, leaving a few leftovers out for the kids to graze on whenever they should wander back home.
"If you already ate, just be a lamb and pop them in the fridge for me, would you?" CP says with a casual wave.
Or I could be the Overbearing Parent. OP throws 20-30 of her children's favorite food items on her grocery list when she goes shopping. Each afternoon, she wanders through the house calling roll:
"Are you going to be here for dinner? What about you? Would you rather have chicken or turkey? Do you still hate cooked carrots---or was that your sister? Full fat? Low fat? No fat? How about just an empty plate?"
Then, there's always Ranting Parent. RP spends hours shopping, cooking and cleaning for the whole family as well as for half the neighborhood, if they should happen to drop by. She's an unselfish paragon---UNTIL the kids or the husband leave a dirty dish in the wrong place. That's right, RP does it all, and still has plenty of energy to rant about it. Ad infinitum! Why didn't you rinse that? Could you wipe down the counters for once in your life? Why is there always this pile of junk on the kitchen table? What a woman.
You'd think common sense would dictate that CP is the one to imitate. Ah, but it's not that easy.
Because, some nights the kids come home as the adults that they are.
--And some nights they wander back as the little kids they once were.
(To Parents:) "You have got to start eating a lot healthier than this, you guys!"
"Did he really eat the last of the cereal? I didn't even get any!"
"I can't believe she just comes home and expects you to have dinner ready!"
"Oh.........I guess I thought there would be some chicken left...(insert sigh)"
"No. I'm not hungry. Well, maybe I'll just have a piece, since you already made it..."
"Um....is anyone making dinner tonight???"
Yes, all of these comments and more have been uttered by my Boomerang Children. (Okay, I admit, one of those things was said by my husband...) So are they selfish and unthankful? Not at all. In fact they thank me profusely on a regular basis for meals we prepare and bills we are helping them pay. And it's certainly not like they're not cooking and doing chores around here either. They're just ---well--they're just human. They have needs, they are not sure if they can meet them themselves, or if they still need our help, and they are stuck in the middle of a sandwich created by circumstances.
Should they ask for help? Should they stand on their own? Are they still a part of the family? Are they some new entity that we don't even have a name for yet?
Yes, yes, yes and yes.
And, then, there's the most important thing I need to remember: there is no one more anxious for them to get back out there and get on with their lives than they are.
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