So, the snow continued, and continued, and it wasn't until yesterday morning that things really went back to business as usual.
It created a very interesting situation.
Usually, if there are snow days, it just means the roads are too icy for school buses and parents are stuck finding someone else to care for their children as they march off to work.
But, this time, there was at least a week or so when neighborhoods and main streets were fairly impassable and pretty much everyone was snowbound except for emergency services.
So the "average" working mom who claims it's her dream to stay home with her kids over Christmas should have been thrilled, right?
Not necessarily.
Today, I saw my friend Kerry working at the pharmacy counter. She works full time and has three children under the age of 11. I asked her how she handled child care during the storms.
"Well, I was home a couple of days, but their dad usually stays home with them," she said.
She paused for a minute.
"They love staying home with Dad because he's like another kid. They play in the snow, they play video games, they watch tv..."
She frowned and looked down at the floor.
"And they all have fun while mom just slaves away here every day..."
"Oh. I'm sorry!" I said. I really like Kerry and I had obviously touched a nerve.
"Oh no, no," she said, "it's probably a lot better this way. I don't think I would do as well as he does with them if I was the one that had to stay at home."
But, her face said something very different.
At school, I saw Gina who is a 5th grade teacher.
Gina is a beautiful, twenty-something, who is married to a man who's also a teacher. She has two adorable pre-school girls. While she works, the girls are cared for by her mother.
"So, I bet you were loving staying home with those girls for three weeks, huh?!" I said when I passed her in the hall.
"Uh, well, yeah kind of..."
"Really?"
"Well...my eldest kept saying: "Can't we go Grandma's today? I kept trying to get her to play and she just wanted to go see my Mom." She paused for a moment. "Yesterday, I told her I had to go back to work, and this morning she jumped out of bed and started yelling: "Yay! We get to go to Grandma's!"
Gina was quiet for a moment and then she smiled a crooked smile and said, "Well, at least the little one wanted me to stay home...she was sad when I left."
Two women who I know to be excellent mothers.
Not the reactions I expected.
The adult voices all around us say it is just fine for women to have someone else raise their children while they are working. In fact, some people even say it is preferable for the kids. I have read many things about how a working woman sets a wonderful example for her girls about how far they can go and how independent they can be.
I can't help wondering what this generation of children will tell us when they are finally old enough to have their say.
2 comments:
I suspect this generation may say what my son's sometime-babysitter says -- that they will do anything, absolutely anything (legal, that is), to stay home with their children. At least the ones whose experiences being raised by others were not so pleasant.
It has been almost seventeen years, but the memory of the ache of leaving my infant son with his godmother three mornings a week while I worked is still palpable -- that horrible sense of disconnect, coupled with the dread that he would be crushed when he discovered I was the "real" mother.
Not that I have a strong opinion or anything.
That is one of the many things I love about you--no strong opinions!
It is a very, very confusing situation. What we want, what we need, what they want, what they need--the fact that you have to constantly leave home to get this green paper stuff so you can buy a roof over their head and something to put in their mouth. I worry that in desperation everyone takes the path of least resistance. Guess that is why they call it desperation.
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