Vote Early, Vote Often, Pack Catnip

I used to be interested in the election.
Now I don't care anymore.

Okay, okay, before I get the barrage of mail telling me how critical this election is, let me just preface by saying: "I KNOW! That's why I used to care so much!"

The fact is: those boys have completely worn me down.

It doesn't matter anymore to me who hangs around with whom or who wants to raise taxes how much, (c'mon, you know they're going to go up no matter who wins.) I don't want to know who fought and who didn't or who went to President Bush's BBQ's at the ranch and who didn't or who rolls his eyes and who doesn't.

That is why my new slogan is:
"Vote Darryl for President. It's all okay with him."

To start with, Darryl has no racial biases--conscious or unconscious.

He's orange and many of his closest relatives have stripes.

You can't beat that with a stick.

Next, Darryl doesn't hang around with anyone. He's a lone ranger kinda guy. No terrorists friends for him--or any other friends for that matter. As as far as choosing a questionable running mate--forget about it--he travels solo.

Darryl will never raise taxes for anyone. In fact, you'll be lucky if you hear from him at all during the daytime. (Those are some of his best sleeping hours.) Raise em, drop em--as long as those pet food-producing grain sales stay steady it's all the same to him.

And as far as pushing pork-barrel bills, other than a quick piece of legislation calling for the swift and mandatory sterilization of all dogs, you're not likely to see him championing any personal agendas.

Yes, indeed. The only pork he's interested in is on the side of a bone.

Darryl will never roll his eyes in a rude way, and he will never drop his head, shake it and smile knowingly. His eyes only have two settings--open or closed. And as far as we know, he has never smiled knowingly, (although I'd swear I've seen a fleeting evil grin when he brings in a mouse.)

Darryl has been involved in few skirmishes, but his motto is "he who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day." So those of you who are concerned about war need not worry as long as President Darryl is around. (Although it is possible we might all have to undergo some basic training in jumping fences.)

Best of all, Darryl doesn't talk much.

As long as you keep that catfood coming and open the door when he has to go out, you won't be hearing much from his corner. He won't go blabbing on and on about all the things he's accomplished in life and all the things he's going to accomplish. When he wins this race he is going to spend most of his time sleeping on your bed.

Take it or leave it.

I'll take it. Darryl for President, I say.

I could do with a little peace and quiet. And let the record show that I have always been in favor of cat naps.