Walking Backwards

As a kid, this was one of my favorite things to do. Of course, growing up in one of those suburban communities where tree roots were poking out of the cement every 15 feet, it may not have been the smartest choice. Be that as it may, I find myself thinking about it these days in a different way.
The Apostle Paul says to keep "looking ahead," fixing our eyes on the author and finisher of our faith. I wish that worked for me. Everytime I look more than a few feet ahead, I feel myself going down like Peter on the water. I have much more of a step-by-step faith. Move out in faith, take one step, stop and take a breather for like... a MONTH...then take another step. It's hard to keep trusting God when I move forward into the great dark abyss. Especially when the abyss is getting darker and wider all the time.
So, many times now, I choose to walk backwards. My feet are still moving in the right direction, but my head is looking back at all the things He has done for me over the years. All the ways he has come through for me, over and over, in situations that seemed beyond impossible.
These last few years, it seems I keep crying out about finances. I remember a couple of years ago when I told my friend: "You need to pray for us. I don't think we are going to make it through this month." She looked at me and snorted and said "You said that last month. You say that every month and you are still here!" Once I recovered from THAT little comment... I realized she was right. I am still here every month. Somehow, in the midst of my anxiety about how ends are going to meet, they seem to meet and tie themselves quite nicely in a tidy little bow.
So, I have switched my prayers from "please, please help us make it though this next round of bills," to, "I know you are going to help us make it though this next round of bills, just please help me not to be such a lame-o doubter." The more I look over my shoulder the more it helps. And those tree roots don't cause me much trouble these days either.